If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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