just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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