Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
