Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
if you like me you must not know who I am
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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