i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
