I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
