i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
