I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
