Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
