I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
