Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
