conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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