My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
