Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
