He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?