You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?