your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale