everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
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He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
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Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level