Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.