I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
