I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Is it penis luge time yet?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
