I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
