You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
