I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
