I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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