I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
