ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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