He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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