Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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