Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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