It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
