In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
