if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize