So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
