The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
