I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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