I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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