so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
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You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
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Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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