i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
