Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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