My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
