I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
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