You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
