For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
