just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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