Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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