i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
