he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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