It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
