Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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