i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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