I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
