I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
