woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
is that a dick in a sweater?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
