Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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