asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
