You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
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I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
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I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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