Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
