ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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