We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
