Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
