Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
