I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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