I think i peed on brittanys purse
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
