somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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