I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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