he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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