Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
