Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
