I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
