I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
