he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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