she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
