I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
