All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
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Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
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NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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