I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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