hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
