i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
