is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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