He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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