i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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