I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
