It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
