i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
