My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
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If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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